Monday, January 7, 2008

So Blue...

I officially have the blues. It's the culmination of many things, not post holiday blues.

It's not severe, meaning, somehow I manage to function and do what I need to do in the day.

I can't really explain here why...I know, defeats the purpose of a blog right? I detest censorship too. It's just that I've made this blog public, so I feel like I need to moderate what I say to a degree, which makes me sorry that I did indeed make it public to some.

That in and of itself might be part of my problem.

Anyhoo...enough about me. Boys are having a tough time getting back into the swing of things....that adjustment period back to school was miserable for both of them.

Ben went to a birthday part yesterday for a "typical" boy he goes to aftercare with. A cooking/chef party in a cooking class type place for incredibly fun...making your own dough / pizza and decorating a cupcake with icing. Once he stopped clinging onto me for dear life...he sat on a stool with 2 girls in his class, but had his right hand on my knee ( I sat directly behind him) the entire time. It was so depressing to me....Ben is my more independent kid...he pulls things off so well, you'd really never know by watching him that he has Fragile X or any developmental disorder. Yesterday he displayed some of the symptoms that remind me that he is delayed and will never be like those other 16 children there. Thank-you Ben for the reality check, I do forget sometimes that you aren't Superman.

I changed gears and was able to appreciate him and praise him every time he let me go, like to knead his dough, or put the sauce and cheese on, things you needed 2 hands for, so he was forced to let me go. He ate his pizza and cupcake like the others and sang Happy Birthday without getting upset (something Matty still can't do at age 10). However, as soon as he ate his cupcake, he turned to me and said "I need my coat." He knew it was over. Whatever, baby steps.

A classmate of Ben's from his full day in district program (i.e., this boy has issues too) contacted me about having a play date (Ben's first) yesterday too, so after the party, we came home, I made a pot of homemade sauce, fresh meatballs, salad, etc....and they arrived at 4 and stayed (mom and dad too) til 8pm. Ben and his friend had a ball, but He really let every negative behavior he knows come out.

This morning Matty woke up with his horns twisted...I already e-mailed his teacher to look out! I have NO idea where this kind of behavior is coming from....I guess it could be hormonal, I guess maybe he's jealous of his brother, no idea.

Ben too this morning...super whiny...nothing was right, not the toothpaste on his toothbrush, not the temp of the water to wash his face, not the blue shirt...nothing....then he gets to a point where all he can do is cry and scream "I need mommy." Mind you, I'm trying to wash and dress him while he's carrying on about how he needs his mother. OY!

I gained some points back at breakfast...I made Ben french toast (the frozen kind), which he loves and Matty got a bagel with a sausage patty in it. He LOVES sausage...and I saw these frozen already cooked breakfast patties in the store on Saturday. The bagel sandwich was a HUGE hit with Matty...he was great until it came time to wait for the bus outside. They he starts yelling at me, telling me to "stop it" and "be quiet" etc....out of nowhere. Ben starts to cry since he hates yelling and Ben starts yelling at Matty "Matty, You punished!!" - over and over - can you imagine, the 4 yo telling the 10 yo he's PUNISHED?????

OMG....thank goodness the buses came on time....I go on to clean up the breakfast stuff, empty the dishwasher from last night, and break 2 glasses.

At least it feels like spring today (60 degrees) , the 2nd week of January....that's normal, right?

It's Monday...I'm blue and it can only get better, right?
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